As I sit contemplating how it got to be 11 days left to go I find myself pondering on the words, home is where the heart is. In this case my home is not where my heart is because it feels like it’s spreading out over many different places. My things, my four cats (all finally and thankfully homed), even my daughter’s trip back from Goa alone will see my heart spreading wider and further. Feeling lost is an understatement and my subconscious almost wills me to call out for the cats, a cat, expecting all the usual distractions our home expectantly demands, but there’s nothing. As my heart spreads wider so everything around me begins to disappear and my mind starts playing tricks on me. There are many times I want to cry out of pure excitement and it feels so necessary to let those emotions out. The tears would be a culmination of some negative baggage working out the system – I know. But I’m so very focused in the present I cannot even dwell in the past for an instant to initiate the much needed relief those tears would bring…
Everything is beautifully green, crisp and clear. I can feel the souls of life around me. All the people and things that have been here over the years give of subtle vibrations of love in this home. Places before where there has been no colour will now welcome you into a room; where there has been no life we have cultivated, grown and nourished; when the four walls have become too small for our hearts we have put ourselves out there with open arms and surrendered to what may be. The intensity of hope and faith guides us like a ship and at the top of the mast I can envision the angels of the ones I’ve lost circling.
Even though we don’t make any sense to each other right now, Anton and I have never been closer. We are definitely processing the reality differently and have had to offer very little reassurance to each other.
I’ve seen our resident squirrel more times this week. It comes for nuts at least 3 times a day now and each time a little closer. The amount of birds in the garden has increased overnight and we’ve displayed food and treats to entice the visual displays. It’s calm, restful and in these moments we contemplate randomly, repeatedly on different events that have played out before us since November. The estate agents and their entourages we’ve suffered and endured. The pointless arguments and frustrations made redundant. All in all there’s very little we have to let go of and continue to hope the right souls find this home and continue to build on what we’ve started here.
If we can all embrace the Earth as our home and not just where we stand we can begin to grasp the magnitude of the lives we can touch, spread love across thousands of miles and let the mind’s tricks lay dormant while our dreams become a reality. A death defying magic trick meticulously thought out, planned and executed…the outcome…new life!Share